Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize