Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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