I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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