I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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