we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
