Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize