my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
