capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Randomize
