She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
