I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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