Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
