Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
