I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
