It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I just saw a hot homeless man
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
