Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
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