he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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