I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
