i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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