The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
