Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
