i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize