U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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