Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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