I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
