A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
