somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
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So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
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Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
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