Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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