I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
