R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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