It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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