i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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