I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
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I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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