Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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