he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i barfeds in our rink
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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