I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
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He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
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I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
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