The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
