Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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