And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
