I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
