I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
be right there i have to get my cape
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
