like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I didn't notice because vodka
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
