worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
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