I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
please don't ironically join a cult
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