I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
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I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
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You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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