Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
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