I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
