well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
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He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
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I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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