come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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