forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
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