Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
