I am in a vortex of obligation.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
