you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
