I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Randomize
