you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
