No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
