New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Randomize
