Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
