theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
