She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
