i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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