I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
