Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
