Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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