his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .