pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.