I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet