I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
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I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
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He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
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