I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
