and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
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I think I sprained my soul last night
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
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Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.