I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.