do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
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He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst