Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
oh god was she eating orange peels again
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?