I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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