his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
