I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
