I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
