U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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