If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
